Are you into horror films? Like, REALLY into horror films? We call bullshit. No one is more into horror than our mainline to the under-verse, Haley. She breaks down your favorite scary flicks better than you knew possible. Her keen eye catches the scene within the scene and gives her the skills to critique films so you lucky High Fivers can glean a deeper knowledge of the psychology that is unique to the horror genre. Welcome, to the Gates of Haley.
You’d Better Watch Out…
Picture this, reader. It’s Christmas time. Powdered white snowflakes are gently falling from the grey sky. The air feels crisp, the breeze smells like pine. The fire is crackling in the fireplace, and you have chocolate chip cookies baking nicely in the oven. A piercing scream rings out and blood splatters on your TV screen. You look and smile. Oh yes, it is time for those shitty Christmas-themed horror movies you hate that you love. What’s that? You didn’t even know that the most wonderful time of the year also comes wrapped in a macabre bow? Of course it does, and of course, I watched several of the most talked about holiday horror movies and brought them here, to this quick list, as a gift to all of you. We’re going on the naughty list for this one.
In a sea of crooked Christmas movies out there, with classics like The Gremlins to alternative slasher favorites like Santa’s Slay, it was very difficult to narrow it down to just a handful to cover this week. The list below is going to outline a few films that deserve to be talked about this holiday season, and a few that I’ve watched for the very first time just to share with you all, and I’m packing everything from vintage slashers to bloody offensive Australian home invasion flicks.
A Christmas Horror Story (2015)
I won’t even lie to you, I love this movie. Zombie elves and a badass Santa is only a quarter of the story brought to you by the drunken local Deejay (William Shatner) that unfolds in a small town on Christmas Eve. We follow four
stories: Santa fighting back against a zombie outbreak on his elves, a naughty family trying to survive a night with Krampus, a creepy ghost adventure underneath the city school, and a seemingly evil little boy. As we follow these stories into the depths of Christmas night, things soon start to intertwine to end with an even cooler (and the most epic face-off in Christmas history) story. The pacing and the way each story is interconnected with another are really fun and different, and are sure to entertain even a crowd of the most traditional Christmas movie lovers. To top it off? This little movie is available for instant streaming on Netflix. Jingle your bells to that!
Black Christmas (1974)
Yep, before the 2006 version there was an original, and just like most movies, it’s way better than the remake. The 
idea is still the same, there’s still a maniacal killer on the loose and he wants to murder a house full of hot sorority girls, just set in the 70’s with a few added storylines and the lack of technology that makes this version more raw and believable. The phone calls will make your hair stand on end and the ending is a gift in itself. No lame revenge stories, just some good ole’ who dunnit. This movie is great and very well shot and acted for its time, and I include this version on my favorite movies list.
Krampus (2015)
You’ve probably seen it, and you probably were entertained but felt slightly unfulfilled. Hey, that’s okay, me too. So much potential executed just sub-par. It balances on that awkward line of scary and funny and decides not to
choose either side. Basically, a little boy accidentally summons the festive evilness of Santa’s shadow, Krampus, to terrorize his bickering family on a Christmas night. In order to keep their fate from being sealed, family members must band together to defeat the dark powers of horned Krampus. If that wasn’t a story enough, let’s add some shitty, evil, animated gingerbread to the mix. I’m such a hater. But for those who haven’t seen it, it’s recently been added to Netflix so you can make your own decision.
The Gingerdead Man (2005)
Speaking of shittily animated cookies, I came across this little gem while web surfing for holiday horror. And because I’m so concerned about your film diet, I watched it for you. I’ve never seen anything that was so bad that it was entertaining before. Thanks, guys, I learn something new every day. After the cremated remains of a murderer
get accidentally dropped and baked into cookie dough, an adorable yet evil creature arises in the form of the Gingerdead man, who won’t stop until he finds the woman that sentenced him to death. I’m not lying. It’s about an evil cookie. Cheap gore, horrible acting, and the strangest storyline really come together for this anything-but-cheerful movie. Not only that, but we have been gifted with many sequels, with one titled, I kid you not, Gingerdeadman 2: The Passion of the Crust. Incredible.
Red Christmas (2016)
In this Australian film, 20 years after a…um…incident, a grossly disfigured man by the name of Cletus with the 
thirst for revenge appears to a disquiet family gathering and begins slaughtering the members one by one. It would be like your typical home invasion film, except for the fact that Cletus is an abortion that miraculously survived under the circumstances, and is back for blood. Yep, this movie should come with a lengthy set of trigger warnings at the beginning and aims to offend. After an hour of plot holes and over the top death scenes, this movie definitely left an impression…maybe even a mental scar. Not scary, not original, just morbid and cynical. But, I guess if you’re a lover of the home invasion films and like inventive gore, this might be the right choice for you. You can find this flick available for instant streaming on Netflix.
When it comes to Christmas horror, I’ve found that it’s hit or miss (or just downright fucked up). I guess it will be a few more years until I’m wowed again by bloodied Yuletide carols. Until then, I’ll be scraping the bottom of the horror pan for movies I can sink my teeth into when the holiday seasons roll back around. How about a haunted house story called “Christmas Spirit”? Just an idea, future holiday horror filmmakers. Just throwing it out there.
About the Author (of Your Doom)
